The Beat of the Universe

"The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature." - Joseph Campbell

When I was a little girl, I used to love to walk outside in bare feet. My parents always knew I had a sort of inner-hippie, which they called my 'peace, love, and earth shoes' quality. As I grew up, I always did my best to notice nature- flowers, buds on trees in the spring, the way fallen leaves crunch under my feet in the autumn.

However, as the years went on, my attention shifted away from the beauty of nature to the realities of life as an adult. The seasons seemed to rush by as I hurried to complete tasks for work, manage daily chores, and take care of myself. Even as I write this, I look out the window and see the green leaves popping through the buds on the trees, and miss the times when I would lazily walk home from school and touch the leaves growing as I passed.

After reading this precept, it reminded me to slow down and enjoy the season. Furthermore, by recognizing nature, it inspires me to keep my stresses in perspective.

What does this precept mean to you? Leave a comment!

Talents

"Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." -Henry van Dyke

I have to admit- I had a little trouble understanding this one. However, after thinking about it for a while, I think it's clicked.

For many years, my self-confidence has been shaken. I've often felt like others expect only perfection from me, and I'd better deliver it. Furthermore, I have often felt like if I had accomplished something, it was only because I had fooled someone into believing I was a competent human being.

To me this precept is about embracing that there are things I am able to do, and do well. I don't have to be perfect, but I do need to try my best. Adding my talents to the chorus of efforts can only help me become a stronger person, personally and professionally.

Because this precept was challenging to me, I would love to hear your thoughts. What does this precept mean to you? Does it speak to you and your experiences? Why or why not?

Roses and Thorns

"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can be grateful because thorn bushes have roses."

-Ziggy (Tom Wilson)

I woke up today at 4AM. I felt, as I suspect most non-morning people might feel about waking up at 4AM. I found myself tossing and turning in the fraction of the bed that remained to me after my 6'5" tall husband and two grown cats had claimed the rest. (I wish I could say that fraction was even remotely close to 1/2, but sadly not.)

In my stubbornness, and with a flicker of hope that I might be able to get back to sleep, I proceeded to twist and contort my body, believing that maybe if I turned over one more time I'd find that comfortable position and drift back off to sleep. By 4:45, I resolved to just get up.

I collected my books, pens, clipboard, and pulled on a hoodie. I shuffled through our little apartment to the living room, and unceremoniously dropped my stuff on the couch. I turned on the light and turned to see both cats coming to greet me. My older cat, who just turned 16, entered the room and looked sleepily at me. As I scratched his head, the little one of only 2.5 years sauntered in and proceeded to flop down at my feet. Both of them seemed to say "if you're up, we'll keep you company." I pet and scratched both of them, which was met with audible purring.

I settled on the couch and read today's precept. It's almost like the book knew this would happen, because when I read the precept yesterday, I didn't really understand it. However, as I sat and wrote, enjoying the sounds of the world waking up, the company of my cats and the stillness of the morning, I realized that while I was tired, and annoyed at having awakened much earlier than I had planned to, I could choose how I reacted to the circumstances.

I could have easily stayed in bed and tried stubbornly to get back to sleep. I could have been annoyed with my husband, even resentful that he was able to sleep so easily. Instead, I chose to make the best of my situation, and use those morning hours to do things that I typically enjoy during the day.

In this precept, my sleeplessness was the thorn, and my ability to change my reaction to it was the rose. And honestly- there are far sharper thorns on life's rosebush... so I'm pretty lucky anyway.

I am Only One

"I am only one. 

But still I am one.

I cannot do everything,

but still I can do something. 

And because I cannot do everything,

I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."

-Edward Everett Hale

I haven't read "Wonder" by R.J. Palacio. I have seen it at Barnes and Noble and Target, and have been intrigued by the cover, a pale blue cover with a drawing of a boy with one eye. I am curious about the story, and read the dust jacket today as I was wandering my area Target. Next to the novel, however, I saw "365 Days of Wonder; Mr. Browne's Book of Precepts." I am often interested in thought-a-day calendars and one-sentence-a-day journals. I picked up the hardcover, and flipped through the colorful pages to today's date, April 15th. 

The past month has been a struggle. Anxiety has always been something I've had to contend with, but recently it has become almost incapacitating. I've been unable to work for nearly a month, and as the government wheel turns veeeeerrrryyy slowly, I have made exactly no money while I wait for my temporary disability insurance to come through. Before this month, I worked a full time job and a part time job, doing my best to provide for myself and my husband, who struggled to find a job for a very long time. I was exhausted and burnt out, but didn't allow myself to feel much of anything else. I was frustrated with everyone and everything, especially the feeling that no one would give my husband a chance to show what he could do. I felt like I was doing everything, and it still wasn't enough to keep our heads above water.

Mid March brought a new opportunity for my husband, but a nervous breakdown for me. The burnout had caught up with me, making me sick and anxious and depressed. My doctor suggested I take some time to rest. The rest has helped, but I have always been able to work and take care of myself- allowing my husband and my family to take care of me has been difficult. 

When I opened up to today's page, the quote above greeted me. "I am only one," it read. Just that one statement alone hit me. The idea of my one-ness, the idea that I cannot be more or less than that, was strangely comforting in a way that would have made me panic before. As I read on, the balance of what Mr. Hale was trying to say struck me profoundly. My mother used to tell me "You can't be all things to all people." but it didn't stop me from trying. It was a hard lesson to learn, and I could argue that I never really learned it until about a month ago. 

However, I also find peace in the resolution that I am not useless. "But still, I can do something....I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." Since I stopped working, I have found joy in many things I was not able to do before because I was too busy. I have rediscovered American Sign Language, and made progress in pursuing certification as an ASL interpreter,  I have been reading and writing more, and have made a point to reach out to friends I've neglected to speak to in recent months and even years.  

This book has a quote, note, or precept for every day of the year. Therefore, I hope to write a reflection for every one of them. I hope my readers will comment with your thoughts on these precepts, and even pick up the book for yourselves!